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When you look quickly at this image, you'll see an elephant. It's only when you examine it closely that you see that things are not what they appear to be. When most people look at others they see the person, but they miss revealing details that are obvious when pointed out. And so it is with body language. Communication through body language has been going on for over a million years but has only been scientifically studied to any extent since the end of the twentieth century. Body language is finally being 'discovered' by people throughout the world and is now a part of formal education and business training everywhere.
This final chapter is devoted to social and business scenarios and will give you the opportunity to see how well you can now read body signals. Before you read the notes, however, study each picture sequence and see how many body language signals you can see from what you've read in this guide. Score one point for every major signal you can spot and you will receive an overall rating assessment at the end. You will be amazed to find how much your 'perceptiveness' has improved. Keep in mind that while we are analysing frozen gestures here, it all needs to be read in clusters of gestures, in context, and with allowance for cultural differences.
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This is a good example of an openness cluster. The palms are fully exposed in the submissive position and the fingers are spread to give more impact to the gesture and to signal non-aggressiveness. His entire body is open showing that nothing is being concealed. This man is communicating an open, non-threatening attitude.
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.This is a classic deceit cluster. As he rubs his eye he looks away and both eyebrows are raised to the disbelief position. His head is turned away and slightly down, showing a negative attitude. He also has an insincere, tight-lipped smile.
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The incongruency of gestures is obvious here. The man is pretending to smile confidently as he crosses the room but one hand has crossed his body to adjust his watch and form a partial arm barrier. His smile is a basic fear-face. This shows that he is unsure of himself or his circumstances.
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This woman disapproves of the person at whom she's looking. She has turned neither her head nor body towards him but is giving him a sideways glance with her head slightly down (disapproval), eyebrows slightly turned down (anger), a full arm-cross gesture (defensive) and the corners of her mouth are turned down.
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Dominance, superiority and territoriality are evident here. The Catapult shows a superior 'know-it-all' attitude and feet-ondesk shows a territorial claim to it. To further highlight his ego he has a high-status chair with wheels, arms and other accessories. He is also sitting in the defensive/competitive position.
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The hands-on-hips gesture is used by the child to make himself appear larger and more threatening. The chin is jutting forward to show defiance and the mouth is opened wide to expose the teeth, just as animals do before they attack.
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This cluster can be summed up in one word — negative. The folder is used as a barrier and the arms and legs are folded due to nervousness or defensiveness. His coat is buttoned and his sunglasses hide any eye or pupil signals. Considering that people form 90 per cent of their opinion of someone in the first four minutes, it's unlikely that this man will ever get to first base with another person.
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Both men are using aggression and readiness gestures, the man on the left using the Hands-on-Hips gesture and the man on the right, the Thumbsin-Belt. The man on the left is less aggressive than the man on the right as he is leaning backwards and his body is pointing slightly away from the man on the right. The man on the right, however, has assumed an intimidating pose by pointing his body directly at the other man and taking an erect stance. His facial expression is also consistent with his body gestures and his mouth is turned down.
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The man on the left is straddling his chair in an attempt to take control of the discussion or to dominate the man on the right. He is also pointing his body directly at the man on the right. He has clenched fingers and his feet are locked together under his chair, showing a frustrated attitude, which means that he's probably having difficulty getting his point across.
The man in the centre feels superior to the other two because of the Catapult gesture he is using. He also has the Figure 4 leg position, indicating that he could be competitive or argumentative. He has a high-status chair that swivels, leans back and has wheels and armrests. The man on the right is seated on a low-status chair that has fixed legs and no accessories. His arms and legs are tightly crossed (defensive) and his head is down (hostile), body pointing away (disinterest), indicating that he doesn't like what he hears.
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The woman is displaying classic courtship gestures. She has one foot forward, pointing towards the man on the far left (interest), a combination of Hand-on-Hip and Thumb-in-Belt (assertive, readiness), her left wrist is being flashed (sensual) and she is blowing cigarette smoke upwards (confident, positive) . She is also giving a sideways glance to the man on the far left and he is responding to her courtship gestures by adjusting his tie (preening) and pointing his foot at her. His head is up (interested). The man in the centre is clearly unimpressed with the other man as he has his body pointing away and is giving him an aggressive sideways glance. He has his palms out of sight and is blowing his cigarette smoke down (negative). He is also leaning against the wall (territorial aggression).
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The man on the left is using superiority gestures and has an arrogant attitude towards the man sitting opposite. He is using eye block signals to block the other man from sight and his head is tilted back to 'look down his nose' at him. Defensiveness is also evident because his knees are held tightly together and he is holding his wine glass with both hands to form a barrier. The man in the middle has been excluded from the conversation by the two other men not forming a triangle to include him. He does, however, seem aloof, as shown by his Thumbs-in-Waistcoat gesture (superiority), leaning back on his chair and is using a Crotch Display (macho). The man on the right has heard enough and has taken the starter's position (ready to leave) and his foot and body are pointed towards the nearest exit. His eyebrows and the corners of his mouth are turned down, and his head is slightly down, revealing disapproval.
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The man on the left and the man on the right have taken closed body positions. The central man's attitude shows superiority and sarcasm and he is using the Lapel-Grasping gesture with a thumb-up (superiority) plus a thumb-point gesture towards the man on his left (ridicule). The man on the right has responded defensively with crossed legs, and aggressively with the Upper-Arm Grip gesture (self-control) and sideways glance. The man on the left of this sequence is also unimpressed with the central man's attitude. He has crossed legs (defensive), Palm-in-Pocket (unwilling to participate) and is looking at the floor while using the Pain-in-Neck gesture.
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This sequence also shows a tense atmosphere. All three men are sitting back in their chairs to keep the maximum distance from each other. The man on the right is probably causing the problem because of his negative gesture cluster. As he is speaking he is using the nose touch gesture (deceit) and his right arm has crossed his body to make a partial arm barrier (defensive). His lack of concern about the other men's opinions is shown by the Leg-over-Chair gesture, Crotch Display and his body is pointed away from them. The man on the left disapproves of what the man on the right has to say and is using the Lint-Picking gesture (disapproval), his legs are crossed (defensive) and pointed away (uninterested). The man in the middle would like to say something but is holding back his opinion, shown by his self-restraint gesture of gripping the arms of the chair and his locked ankles. He has also issued a non-verbal challenge to the man on the right by pointing his body at him.
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In this scene the man on the left and the woman have mirrored each other's gestures to form 'bookends' on the couch. The couple are very interested in each other and have positioned their hands in such a way that they can expose their wrists, and they have crossed their legs towards one another. The man in the middle has a Tight-Lipped Smile in an attempt to look interested in what the other man has to say but this is incongruent with his other facial and body gestures. His head is down (disapproval), the corner of his mouth turned down, his eyebrows are also down (anger) and he is giving the other man a sideways glance. His arms and legs are tightly crossed (defensive) — all indicating that he has a very negative attitude.
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The man on the left is using a cluster to convey openness and honesty - exposed palms, foot forward, head up, coat unbuttoned, arms and legs apart, leaning forward and smiling gestures. Unfortunately for him, however, his story is not getting across. The woman is sitting back in her chair with her legs crossed away (defensive), she has a partial arm-barrier (defensive), a clenched fist (tension), her head down and is using a critical evaluation gesture (hand to face). The man in the middle has a raised Steeple gesture, indicating that he feels confident or smug and he is sitting in the Figure 4 leg position, showing that his attitude is competitive or argumentative. We can assume that his overall attitude is negative as he is sitting back, his head down.
The following three scenes demonstrate typical defence, aggression and courtship clusters.
The beginning of the conversation |
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In the first scene, all three people have their arms folded, two have their legs crossed (defensive) and all have their bodies oriented away from each other, all indicating that they may have just met for the first time. The man on the right appears interested in the woman as he has his right foot twisted around to point at her and he is giving her a sideways glance, combined with raised eyebrows (interest) and a smile; he is leaning towards her with the upper part of his body. She is closed off to both men at this point.
Five minutes later |
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The woman has now uncrossed her legs and is standing in the Attention position, while the man on the left has uncrossed his legs and is pointing one foot at her (interest) and leaning towards her. He is using the Thumbs-in-Belt gesture, which is either intended as a competitive display towards the other man, in which case the attitude is aggression, or is directed towards the woman, making it a sexual display. He is also standing straighter to make himself appear bigger. The man on the right seems intimidated by the other man, as seen by his now more erect stance, his crossed arms and the fact that he is giving the other man a sideways glance combined with eyebrows down (disapproval) and his smile has gone.
Fifteen minutes later |
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The attitudes and emotions of these people are now clearly shown by their body language. The man on the left has kept his Thumbs-in-Belt, Foot-Forward position and has turned his body more towards the woman, making it a complete courtship display. His thumbs are also gripping his belt much tighter to make the gesture more noticeable and his body has become even more erect. The woman is responding to this courtship display with her own, showing that she is interested in being involved with him. She has uncrossed her arms, turned her body towards him and is pointing one foot at him. Her courtship gestures include hair touching, exposed wrists, chest forward to show cleavage and positive facial expression, and she is blowing her cigarette smoke upwards (confidence). The man on the right is unhappy about being excluded and is using the Hands-on-Hips gesture (aggressive readiness) and standing Crotch Display to show his displeasure.
In summary, the man on the left has won the woman's attentions and the other man should take a hike in the Himalayas.
Holy intuition Batman! You are an extremely effective communicator who is sensitive to other people's feelings most of the time. Go to the top of the class!
You are very good with people and generally have a 'feel' about what's going on. With perseverance and practice you can become a top-notch communicator.
Sometimes you twig to how people are feeling about things or about each other, at other times you find out several days later. You need diligent body language practice.
You've read this guide and still not even scored 70? We suggest you search for a career in computing, accounting or as a medical receptionist where people skills are not a requirement. Go back to the start of this guide and read it again. Meanwhile, do not leave home or even answer a telephone.
Research has now shown convincingly that if you change your body language, you can change many things about your approach to life. You can alter your mood before going out, feel more confident at work, become more likeable and be more persuasive or convincing. When you change your body language you interact differently with people around you and they, in turn, will respond differently to you.
When you first start increasing your awareness of body language you'll probably feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. You will be aware of practically every expression you make, surprised at how many gestures you make and how often you fiddle with things and you'll feel as if everyone around is seeing it all too. Remember that most people are completely unaware of what their bodies are doing and they're so busy trying to make an impression on you that they are not consciously noticing what you are doing. It may seem strange at first to consciously have your palms open and keep steady eye contact if you've spent your life keeping your hands in your pockets or holding hands with yourself and looking away.
You may ask, 'How do I watch someone's body language while thinking about my own body language and trying to concentrate on what we're talking about?' Remember that your brain is already programmed to read many body language signals so all you are doing is learning consciously to read the signals and messages. It's like riding a bicycle for the first time — it feels a little scary at the start and you might take an occasional tumble but before long you'll be riding like a pro.
Some people may feel that learning body language skills is manipulative or insincere, but learning to be proficient at reading it and using it is no different to wearing certain types of clothes, using certain language or telling stories that put you in the best light. The difference here is that it won't happen unconsciously and you'll make a better impression on others. If you're a man, remember that women are reading and decoding your body language whether you realise it or not, so learning how it's done can give you an equal footing. Without effective body language you can be like a spaghetti Western — the lips don't match the words and the viewers are constantly confused or switch channels.
Finally, here is a summary of the keys points for making a positive body language impression on others.
Face: Have an animated face and make smiling a part of your regular repertoire. Make sure you flash your teeth.
Gestures: Be expressive but don't overdo it. Keep your fingers closed when you gesture, your hands below chin level and avoid arm or feet crossing.
Head Movement: Use Triple Nods when talking and Head Tilt when listening. Keep your chin up.
Eye Contact: Give the amount of eye contact that makes everyone feel comfortable. Unless looking at others is a cultural no-no, lookers gain more credibility than non-lookers. Posture: Lean forward when listening, stand straight when speaking.
Territory: Stand as close as you feel comfortable. If the other person moves back, don't step forward again.
Mirror: Subtly mirror the body language of others.
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